Now Boarding: Flight #1 – ZodiacAir

By Saturday, June 28, 2014 0 No tags Permalink

Lately I’ve been getting text messages from female corporate travelers and female leisure travelers updating me on what travel disaster they are currently experiencing. An Alaska-bound friend was stuck in PHL for four hours the other night…on the tarmac. Another texted me that her seatmate had bad breath. And the colleague who is allergic to cats found herself stuck at LGA because no flight attendants were available (they offered to check her bag for free as recompense!)

The last one is particularly entertaining, if you ask me. How can the airline lose flight attendants? Lost bags, yes. Lost flight attendants, that’s troubling.

I know. I know. That’s not what happened. I’m sure flight attendants have their own disastrous stories of being delayed or waylaid or betrayed in their jobs. No doubt the crew that was to take home Ms. Allergic to Cats (who is also an expert on the Barclays Agg which I find very funny for some reason I can’t quite explain), was delayed in Detroit or Denver or Dallas. BUT.

First, Ms. ATC didn’t need the free bag check because she’s got status galore, which translates into she’s getting on the flight first, her bag is getting on, and she has no interest in waiting for bag to come off the carousel when she lands. The free drinks would have been the better placater.

Second, where were the “standby” flight attendants? I’m not kidding. Every airline has newer flight attendants who are literally paid (albeit at a low rate) to be “on call” and able to get to the airport within 60 minutes.

How do I know this? Cute little story here.

Back in January, I’m PHL to BOS in 1C. Flight attendants are kibitzing. One is congratulating the other on getting “on the line” or something like that. I don’t remember the exact terminology, but what it meant was that this crew member had just completed whatever necessary hours to get off of “standby” and have a set schedule. I guess it’s fair to say she now had “status.”

This flight attendant was gorgeous. She had big blue eyes like Zooey Deschanel and a personality like Julie Louis-Dreyfus. She started talking about some guy she recently dated and how she had thought that it would be the real deal because he was a Leo and she was a Virgo. And now, there was this Libra who was pursing her, but she didn’t think Libras and Virgos were compatible. Apparently, Libra was too nice and considerate and did things like buy her stuff.

I absolutely had to get in on this conversation.

Uh, excuse me, but I’m a Virgo and I don’t know where you’re getting your information but actually Virgos and Leos are notoriously bad together and if you really want to be safe, you need to find a Taurus. (In my younger days, I actually went through a phase where I would only date Taurus men – that’s how serious I am about this!) Apparently, this Leo began their relationship by saying he wanted a commitment, loved kids, and had a wonderful job where he made boatloads of money. A month later, he couldn’t see himself living with someone, was considering a vasectomy, and wanted to quit his job. A classic 180-degree Lion’s pivot.

So, we spent the next 30 minutes going through the Zodiac and agreeing that if the worst thing she could say about Libra was that he had good manners, it was probably worth sticking it out a bit longer. My bigger concern was that Libra was also a flight attendant and that didn’t sound like a promising relationship. What if one of them got lost?

Feel free to write me your travel woes – or write a guest blog for Point of Departure!

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